The all NFL team of guys who don't actually play in the NFL team thingy
Written by Curt Popejoy on 12/29/2009
Other than competitive eating competitions, and the occasional Stihl Timber Sports Series, I honestly do not follow any sports outside of football. I used to. I used to be into a ton of sports. I watched MLB and NBA, and was really into the World’s Strongest Man MMA and the X Games stuff too. I have never liked Hockey or Soccer. But I realized as I got older, that I needed to streamline my sports and football was king so I eased out of the rest.
Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about professional athletes playing various sports, I thought I’d do some research(which I hate, by the way) and try and put together starting lineups for my NFL team made up entirely of professional athletes who aren’t in the NFL. And I tried to go outside the box of the stuff I had been reading. Yes, I could use all NBA players or some crap like that, but where’s the fun in that?
I fully expect to get mail on this one, mainly because I’m going to miss players more obvious than the ones I pick, but cut me some slack. The amount of time I spent on this, matches the number of hours of college basketball I’ve watched in the past ten years total. Give me these two groups, some marginal backups(like the Chiefs starters), 4 months and we’d win a game or two.
Quarterback - Joe Mauer - Catcher Minnesota Twins
I remember when Mauer was in high school, he was a bigtime prospect, and turned down a Scholly from FSU to play baseball so he’s my starting quarterback.
Running Back - Grady Sizemore - CF Atlanta Braves
Another kid who was a talented high school football player and had a shot to play DI Football. 6’ and a trim 200lbs for baseball, he could beef up a little and play some tailback.
Fullback - Tuvshinbayar Naidan - Olympic Gold Medalist in JudoThe Mongolian Monster, Naidan is 5’9” 233lbs and dominates a sport that emphasizes the ability to use leverage and power against an opponent and technique to beat stronger competitors. I’ll let him lead block on my team.
Wide Receiver - Jeff Samardzjia - Pitcher Chicago Cubs
Obvious choice here as the Shark was a dominant wide out at Notre Dame and passed up being a first round pick to play MLB.
Wide Receiver - Usain Bolt - Fastest man in the world
Another obvious one. He’s 6’5” 210lbs and is the fastest human being on Earth. He’s big, strong, fast, all he has to do is learn to catch. He could outrun every DB in the NFL with that flag wrapped around his neck.
Tight End - LeBron James - NBA Basketball player
This seems like a no brainer as well. James is a monster physically at 6’8” and over 250lbs. He’s a smooth athlete with great speed and quickness and you know he’d have great hands.
Left Tackle - Sebastian Wentyl - Polish Highland games Champion
The fact he’s 6’7” and 330lbs and a world class shot puter/strongman/discus thrower/caber tosser was one thing, but when I read he started his sports career as a volleyball player, I knew he’d have the athleticism to play my LT spot.
Right Tackle - David Ostlund - World’s Strongest Man
These Strong man competitors are easy to plug in to spots like this because they are enormous, have mythical real worlds strength and power and surprising athletic ability. Dude is 6’7” 335lbs and can throw a car.
Right Guard - Patrick Judge - Professional Olympic weight lifter
6’5” 340lbs and adept at some of the most complicated lifts. His explosive power especially his punch would be off the charts. Not sure if he can move or not, but we’ll just keep him inside.
Left Guard - Glen Davis - Power Forward Boston Celtics
Big Baby as he’s called is around 6’8” and 290 and athletic enough to be a great pulling guard and plays with a nice nasty streak.
Center - Dan Kalbfeisch - Champion Sumo Wrestler
6’ tall and around 280lbs and dominates a sport predicated on explosive power and leverage.
Defensive End - Blake Griffin - Forward LA Clippers
6-9 260lbs and amazing speed and length. He’d be a demon off the edge. Those long arms alone would be worth a half dozen passes batted down a year.
Defensive End - Mariusz Pudzianowski - Seriously strong Polish dude
If you have ever seen Super Mariusz compete you know why I have him as my strong side end. A little short at 6’1” but nearly 280lbs and he’s the Juggernaut Bitch!
Defensive Tackle - Derek Poundstone - Strong Man competitor
This guy is 6’1” and around 320lbs and super powerful. I’ll take him to play nose tackle for my team any time. Can’t move him with a tow chain and a semi-truck
Defensive Tackle - Terry Hollands - Strongman and former rugby player
Hollands is more than just 6’6” and 385lbs of beef, he’s a former rugby player so he’s got good feet and nice quickness for his size. And he’s nearly 400lbs!
Outside Linebacker - Richie McCaw - New Zealand All Blacks Rugby
6’2” 233lb can run, tackle, hit, and catch. THE best all around player in Professional Rugby and would be a great OLB with sideline to sideline skills. Not to mention these guys are off their nut and have no respect for their bodies. Probably play without his helmet.
Inside Linebacker - Georges Laraque - Forward Montreal Canadiens
This dude is built like a brick crapper and hits like a runaway dump truck. 6’3” 245 is ideal for the middle of the defense and he’s already got the perfect mindset. And the guy lives in skates on the ice. He’s got balance like the karate kid.
Outside Linebacker - Josh Barnett - UFC fighter
He’s got ideal LB size(6’3” and 255lbs) plus he’s strong, agile, quick and has no qualms about snapping the arm of someone he doesn’t like.
Cornerback - Monzavous Edwards - US Sprinter
One of the ten fastest men in America in the 100m, and has nice size 6-0, 175lbs to play a cover corner. Closing speed anyone? The guy can backpedal faster than most WRs in the NFL can run.
Cornerback - Andrew McCutchen - OF Pittsburgh Pirates
By all accounts McCutchen is one of the fastest players to ever play. He can cover an incredible amount of field and his instincts and acceleration are off the charts. 5’11” and 180lbs works for me.
Free Safety - Derrick Rose - PG Chicago Bulls
Perfect size(6’3” and 190lbs), and one of the fastest guys in the NBA. Amazing ball skills and a smart heady leader of his team. Make a great FS.
Strong Safety - Brent Deledio - Australian Rules Football player
Deldio is a tremendous athlete with great speed and an awesome vertical. He’s 6’1” and about 190lbs and works well in open spaces. Another one of these wing nut types who hit people without pads on.
Kicker/punter - Francois Steyn - South Africa Rugby
Supposedly this kid has the most accurate deep kick in the game, so he’ll get the nod for me. And he’s got fabulous hair.
Return Specialist - Tyson Gay - US Olympic track athlete
One of the fastest men in the world, and although he’s a little slight to be an every down player, he’d be dynamic in the return game. No one is kicking to him.
There’s my squad. Probably lots of guys many of you have never heard of, but that was sort of my point. Sometimes you can find some amazing athletes in unusual places. And I really tried to get a competitive eater on the team, but there was liability issues with those dudes and their diets.
Last Edited: 12/29/2009